


Dean Turns Despondent

by Cerulean_supwho



Series: Love for Hire [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Porn, Porn With Plot, Rimming, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 20:44:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5716453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerulean_supwho/pseuds/Cerulean_supwho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate Universe</p><p>Cas develops a life threatening illness and Dean struggles to balance his work and taking care of Cas. Their love for one another deepens. This was not meant to stand alone. Start with Dean Turns Pro the first of this series. the scenes and times will make more sense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone for the kudos and comments. I thought I was done after part three but I couldn't stop thinking about these characters.This installment is an attempt to fill in the blanks about their relationship and how Dean copes. I'm hoping to write another installment that will occur after the end of Dean Turns Desperate. Will Rachel still be in the picture? Maybe a three way M/M/F relationship? Does Cas fully recover? Feel free to leave comments about how you think it should turn out.

The breeze whispered over his chest, caressing with a coolness that made him shiver in spite of the warmth of the tropical sun on his skin. Listless from the combination of last night’s marathon sexploits and a chilly margarita, Cas licked his lips and drank in the sight of his golden skinned boyfriend rollicking like a seal in the blue Caribbean waters. Dean always took his breath away. From the first time he had laid eyes on him at the café, Cas had been hooked, and after he got a taste of him, he became an addict. After fantasizing about the blond haired man for weeks, his dreams came true and far exceeded his expectations after they started dating. He had been transfixed by the sheer beauty of the man, was drawn into a trancelike state when he watched him work the room as he performed his job as a server. He would watch how Dean flirted and sassed his way between tables, and could not take his eyes off him. After several weeks of ogling the waiter, Dean approached his table with his usual flair and called him out on the way he had been staring. He had given Cas a way out of it and yet did it in a way that put him at ease. He loved him even more for that, as he would have never had the balls to approach him the obviously straight waiter. Cas would have languished in his desire for the blonde, and stayed in his singular own safe little world. 

Dean had given Cas more than he ever wanted. Loving Dean had reached levels that were so far beyond his expectations that Cas was perplexed about the sense of gloom and doom that had been pervading and intruding on his life over the last few months. Both of their jobs were going well; Dean was making money hand over fist for his clients and his company, which had padded their bank accounts quite comfortably. Cas was a published author, having gained notoriety in his chosen field of religious literature,. The first two books, of the series he was planning, had done very well. They had not made it to the best seller list, but in his genre he had led the way in sales the last four years. His first book had been extensively researched while in grad school and working on his doctorate in religion. It focused on trying to find and explain the truth in religion, more to uphold his own faith than to convince others. Myths vs Reality his first book had blown his colleagues and the religious community away with it’s insight and unexpected revelations. The tenets he expounded on had led many to solidify their belief in a higher power. Cas had accepted the accolades with humility, never expecting the extent of response the first book had gotten. By the time the controversy over his first book had exploded he was already through with his second volume Angels vs Demons: the facts to support the existence ; it was published shortly thereafter. He was currently working on the third titled Will There be an Apocalypse? The first two volumes had both been extreme undertakings, but Cas had welcomed the work, drawn into it with enthusiasm that belied his reserved public demeanor. Dean was the only one that was privy to Cas’ passionate side.

The third book was taking it’s toll on Cas; he would be exhausted at the end of a day spent researching and never seemed to have enough energy these days. Dean had noticed and in his ever thoughtful way had decided that Cas needed a break from the tedium that was obviously overwhelming him. He had arranged for this trip to the tropics and surprised Cas one night at dinner. Dean had called him at work and insisted that he clear his schedule and come home early. 

“Dude, give it up already. The book can wait. I’m feeling a little ignored and I intend for you to make that up to me.”

“Dean…I just need a few more..”

Dean cut him off, “It’s always just a few more minutes Cas. Then it turns into hours and my dick and I feel neglected. So quit making excuses and get your ass home!” Dean was not taking no for an answer and Cas could tell by the tone of his voice that he was not going to budge. He was pondering over that when Dean confirmed what he was thinking.

“Cas, I need you buddy and if you don’t get here soon I’ll come get you myself.”

Cas smiled to himself; he knew Dean would make good on that promise if he pushed him. “Okay Dean, I’ll just finish..”

“Now Cas. I mean it. Leave right now. I’m gonna stay on the phone while you pack up and leave, and don’t even think about bringing work home with you. I’ll know.”

“Okay packing up now Dean. Be home in a few.”

Dean was worried about Cas. Something was off and he couldn’t put his finger on it. Cas was always tired and preoccupied lately. None of the other books had taxed him like this one had; he had been like a kid with a new toy before, enthusiastic and downright zealous about his research. He appeared to have drawn energy from the work before, and now he had trouble getting the man out of bed in the mornings without a fuss. Just this morning he had spent twenty minutes haranguing Cas before he rolled out, and then it was reluctantly. Something had to give. Cas kept telling Dean he was fine and yet Dean sensed Cas would never agree to his plan as intent as he was to finish his book. Dean took matters into his own hands and planned the trip. Winter break was a perfect time to get away and he planned on spoiling Cas and not letting him lift a finger the whole time. 

Cas walked into the condo and was engulfed in a aroma and ambience that screamed, home, comfort, and sex. It was all Dean. The fragrance of roasting meat and the tang of spicy wafting from the kitchen were from some of his favorite foods; pot roast and apple pie, the two foods they had on their first real date and always made him remember that night. The music playing on the stereo was the soundtrack from the first movie they had gone to see together, and candles were lit and placed all over the living room like the first night they had sex. ‘Oh Dean is not playing fair’. Cas shook his head, it was good to be home but he was not up to an intense night of sex and yet he did not want to disappoint Dean again; he had been too tired a lot lately and had turned Dean down more times than he could count. He wanted Dean, but sex with Dean, well it was usually energetic at the least and acrobatic at best. Cas loved so much about Dean, but Dean in the bed, well, it was magic, otherworldly, you could say supernatural in the way it made Cas feel. The two agreed the connection they had when coupling was transcendent; it took Cas to a higher plane, something beyond anything he had ever experienced making him feel as if he and Dean were two parts to a whole, soul mates and something more, something indescribable. Cas knew sex was happening tonight, maybe they could just take it slow.

“Hey baby. I thought that was you,” 

Cas was soon enveloped the blonde’s warmth as well as the scent of wood and leather from his aftershave. “Here let me get your coat,” Dean offered as he slipped the ever present trench coat off his shoulders. It was the same baggy, tan coat Cas had when they had met; it had become like a second skin as much as he wore it. Dean led Cas into the table that was spread and waiting for them. 

“So, what’s this all about Dean?”

“Nothing babe, just want to take care of you a little bit, and besides you need to relax a little, quit working so hard man.” Dean pulled out a chair for him, while breathing kisses into the nape of his dark, curly hair. Dean served a large steaming platter of pot roast with all the trimmings and didn’t allow Cas to help. Conversation was always easy between the two making the dinner a relaxing end to their day. They were indulging in the apple pie and coffee when Dean slipped an envelope across the table to Cas with a knowing grin. 

“Dean? What did you do?”

“Just a little something to let you know what you mean to me baby.”

Cas looked like a kid on Christmas morning while opening the envelope, but when he pulled the plane tickets out scheduled for one week away, he couldn’t hide the way it made him anxious. Dean knew him too well.

“What? Cas? What is it babe?”

“Dean, this is lovely and I’d really like to go, but..”

“But what? Cas, you need to get away. I do too. We won’t miss Christmas with the family, see we’ll be back two days before and we both deserve a break. We need a break. Work’s been a bitch and just look at you man, you’re running on empty. Come with me and let’s recharge our batteries in the sun? Wadda ya say? Cas?” Dean had come around behind Cas and placed his chin on the top of his shoulder and breathed the last few word’s into his ear, making Cas squirm a little. Cas knew in that moment that he was going to lose this battle and turned into Dean’s lips with a resigned sigh.

“’Kay Dean. I can see you’re not going to let this go are you?”

“No. Not gonna..” Dean hummed into Cas’ neck as he ran his hands down his chest, rubbing the firm muscles up and down. He then loosened the blue tie and started unbuttoning Cas’ shirt from behind while peppering kisses to Cas’ neck and the shell of his ear. “The pie was awesome, wasn’t it? That’s not all I was planning for dessert. My meal is not over yet,” he crooned into his ear. Dean’s hands were deft and sure; he’d had a lot of practice undressing Cas and he made quick work removing his clothes. Their mouths meshed hungrily as Dean kissed him all the way into the bedroom until the back of Cas’ knees hit the edge of the bed. Cas fell backwards on the bed and luxuriated in the vision before him. “Ooh baby. I’ma make you feel so good.” Dean was absolutely leering at the brunette with want and desire as he allowed Cas to watch him strip. He knew it did something to Cas when he stripped for him; he loved watching the way it affected him. Cas was starting to pant and was clearly aroused, his dripping erection hovering over his belly while he kept his eyes locked on Dean. Dean’s body was perfect and Cas would never tire of looking at it. He had broad shoulders and was sturdily built with a strong muscular chest and a trim waist, but Dean was not wiry like Cas. He was solidly built, very tall, a little taller than Cas who was over six foot. Running together as much as possible kept them both fit, but Cas was too tired or preoccupied to join in lately. Exercising was both an outlet for stress relief and something that they enjoyed doing together as their jobs were not very physical. Running had kept that ass perfectly tight and all Cas could think about was how it would feel clutched in his hands as Dean pounded into him. He would never get tired of the image of Dean’s naked body; he even loved the bow of his legs framing his cock at the apex, the thick, hard cock that was going to fuck him into the bed right now.

Fuck, Cas was so beautiful laying there all worked up, a flush all over his body and breathing heavily Dean thought pausing to cherish the sight. He waited, for a moment, and then bent down to his knees and positioned himself between Cas’ legs, his hands gripping his hips and nuzzling down into his crotch. Dean inhaled Cas’ scent and sucked lightly on his sac, mouthing his balls and using his tongue to draw them into his mouth. “Mnn baby, you taste so good. Better’n pie baby.” Deans mouth was magic; Cas was propped on his elbows watching Dean’s head bent over him, laving his skin with wet sucking noises. Dean opened his mouth wide and ran it up Cas’ shaft with his tongue flat along the underside. He worked his tongue up and down the shaft, sucking as he went and finally lapping along the tip, gathering the salty slick into his mouth with a suck and a pop as he let go. He then took the head into his mouth sucking softly and repetitively until Cas was writhing under him. Dean sucked down Cas’ cock and grasped the base with his fist, jacking him slowly and firmly along with his mouth. Cas’ moans became desperate when Dean pulled off, “Deean!” but he mouthed his way back down to his sac and then to his pucker, tonguing it wetly. “Not yet baby, not done with you yet.”

Dean cupped Cas’ ass with his hands and pulled his legs over his shoulders giving him access to his opening. He licked him with large broad stripes at first and then stiffened his tongue in order to push his muscle past the taut rim. Cas arched into Dean causing his tongue to reach deeper which resulted in a sharp keening as he came apart. Dean was unrelenting in his attack and Cas’ hole was wet and sloppy with spit. Next Dean pushed his finger alongside his tongue stretching Cas and loosening him further while he reached down to grip himself and used a few strokes to spread his own lubrication up and down his shaft. “Up on the bed babe.” Dean helped Cas scoot up and dug the bottle of lube out to slick first his fingers and then his cock. He scissored two fingers in and out of Cas and it wasn’t long until three went in easily and Cas was gasping, “Ready Dean. Need you. Now. ‘m ready, c’mon and fuck me,” the last words were barely audible as Cas was fairly breathless. Dean thrust his fingers in a few more times assuring himself that Cas was truly ready and then crawled his way up the lithe body, grasped his cock and eased it past Cas’ now loose and slick opening. Dean loved to watch all of the expressions on Cas’ face as he fucked into him. He was mesmerized and the image melted him, drawing him in until he could not tell where Cas began and he ended. This gorgeous man had taken over his life and mind and all Dean wanted to do was take care of him, in every way he could imagine. He would do anything for Cas. Right now he was planning on taking care of him by giving him a hell of an orgasm.

Dean had learned all of Cas’ signs, the ones when he was getting ready to come, if he was in pain, if Dean was going too fast or too slow. Cas was the most relaxed he had seen in a while, the recent tension was now gone from his face, but there was something still there. Something Dean didn’t like, maybe he’d just fuck it out of him and if that could work he was going to give it a good go. He rolled his hips smoothly thrusting into Cas, undulating with emphasis on the way in and easing his way back out each time. He wanted all the way inside and wanted to fuck that, whatever it was, out of his baby. He leaned in crushing their lips together, tongue, teeth and lips bruising with the crush. Dean knew what Cas liked, how fast, how deep and at what angle. He fucked him slow and steady, chest to chest, Cas’ cock sliding between them.

Cas was huffing erratically, “Dean, Dean…oh God Dean. What you do to me…I ooh.” Dean leaned into Cas’ ear, “Come for me babe, come for me Cas. Come on my cock.” Dean thrust at the right angle so that he was now pounding directly into Ca’s prostate, knowing that it could tip him over the edge and watched every nuance and change in his expression. He ground into him with every thrust curved up to the place that would make Cas come undone and then Dean felt the expected clench of Cas around him as he arched his back and came in hot spurts of thick, white between them. “God you’re beautiful like that,” Dean breathed out as he gave in to his own orgasm and painted Cas’ insides. Cas felt the flood of warmth inside him and shuddered deliciously giving in to the waves of heat as Dean filled him up. Dean kissed Cas soft and wet as he thrust slowly a few more times, still hard inside him and then instead of easing out he stayed inside him and rolled them on their sides while he breathed out, “I love you Cas, so much, love you.”

“I love you too Dean, love you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel collapses. Dean freaks out.

The trip had rested both of them so well that Cas had a renewed fervor and burst of energy that helped him to enjoy Christmas with the family, well Dean’s family. Sam announced he was moving back to the Midwest and hoped to be practicing law nearby. He would be finished with law school in the spring so he and Jess would be relocating soon after. Jess and Sam had met at Stanford; had been dating since undergrad, living together for the last two years and would be moving with him. While everyone was peppering them with questions about their plans Sam dropped a bigger bomb, “I asked Jess to marry me and she said yes.” The smile on Dean’s face was luminous, almost bigger than Sam’s and Cas’ heart lurched seeing him so happy for his brother. He never tired of seeing joy on Dean’s face. Cas made a point to talk to Jess, welcomed her into the family and promised to tell her all of the secrets and foibles that made up the motley crew of Sam, Dean and the Winchester/ Singer family. No one outside the family understood the depth of their feelings for one another and Cas felt honored to be a part of a family so unlike his own. 

The first week back at work went fairly well. Dean made Cas promise to get home at a decent hour and he would try too. Both of their jobs had demanded a lot of them, but Cas had a choice, he could go a little slower with the book. Classes started back the second week in January and Cas had at least three lectures per day. He kept office hours for his students, but had been known to lock the door and spend time in his office doing research. Dean had been watching Cas for signs of stress, he was not going to let him reach that same state of fatigue again and things were going rather well. They were taking turns with dinner, trying to both be home by seven, even if it meant take out they planned to eat together every night. When the call came that Thursday, Dean had known somewhere down deep that something was still a little off, but still was not prepared to hear that Cas had collapsed in the lecture hall, and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. Dean made record time and broke a few traffic laws getting there and rushed in frantically trying to find Cas. He was still in the emergency room, having tests run and was lying on a gurney behind a curtain when Dean found him. 

As usual his dark hair was mussed, but other than the bedhead and the starkly ice blue eyes, this pale creature was not his Cas. There was an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth, a heart monitor tracing his rhythm with a steady beep, an IV line in his arm, and pallor to his skin that was unnatural.

“Baby, Cas, what happened?” Dean was starting to hyperventilate. This was not his Cas, not this pale creature. What had changed since this morning? Dean grasped his hand and bent over to give him a kiss, his lips lingering on his forehead. “My God Cas, you’re burning up! Haven’t they given you anything for it? Nurse? Where’s the Goddamn nurse? Freakin’ hell Cas!” Dean didn’t wait and went searching for someone to tell him what was happening. The brown skinned matronly nurse ushered him away from the nurse’s station and back to Cas’ bedside and produced a chart. She patted Dean on the back and in a calm and even voice explained what had transpired. 

“Mr. Winchester? We have you on record as emergency contact and significant other is that correct?”

“Yes, my name is Dean, Dean Winchester. What’s the matter with Cas?”

“One of Mr. Novak’s students called after he collapsed in class today. He was barely responsive and so the emergency services picked him up from the site. He was running a temperature of 104 degrees, was short of breath and was dehydrated. His temperature is down some with the help of fluids and some meds it should continue to come down.”

“So is it just the flu or something?”

“Well, we don’t know what caused his symptoms as of yet Mr. Winchester. The preliminary labs are back and the Doctor is reviewing them now. Why don’t you give Mr. Novak this soda with ice and we’ll be back as soon as we know something.”

“Cas, buddy. How’re you feeling?” Dean grasped Cas’ hands and slipped the straw under the oxygen mask coaxing Cas to drink. Cas just looked at Dean vacantly and huffed. It looked like he was trying to form the words but the effort was too much for him. “ ‘s okay buddy, don’t try. Just drink. I’m here and I’m not leaving.” All the while in his head he was willing Cas to get better and thinking how scared he was. His perception had been spot on which justified his concern about Cas; something was going on and he had a bad feeling about this. This was part of what was so wrong about the way Cas had been feeling lately. This was no flu, of that Dean was sure. About an hour later Cas’ temperature had come down a little but not enough to satisfy the doctors. His tests were inconclusive so they decide to admit him. What they didn’t tell Dean was that Cas’ oxygen levels were too low and he should have responded more significantly to the measures already instituted. Dean was out of his element and had to go along with what he was told, gleaning little new information through the night. 

By morning Cas was still responding poorly, so more tests were run. It was the same again the next day and the next. Dean had run out of patience and cornered the doctor Sunday. Cas was still running a temperature and they still had not told them what was causing his illness. 

“Mr. Winchester, I understand your frustration, and to be frank I’m frustrated as well. Mr. Novak should have responded to something by now. There have been no confirmatory results pointing to what has been attacking him. I’m to understand that he’s always been healthy prior to this?”

“Right, I mean he’s never been sick a lot, you know an occasional cold. We run nearly every day and Cas took vitamins and crap. Didn’t drink much or do drugs. He was one of the healthiest people I’ve ever met, and you say all his tests came back negative?”

“Right, we tested for several bacterial, viral and fungal infections, all of the sexually transmitted diseases, and several autoimmune disorders. He checks out as clean as you or me, so tomorrow there will be a specialist reviewing his case, a Dr. Denali, and he will run some tests of his own. I wish I could tell you more. Right now I’m sure just you being with him is helpful. Patient’s always do better when they feel loved and cared for. You focus on doing your part and we’ll try to figure this out. I really want to help Mr. Novak. Thank you for your patience,” and with that he left. Cas had slept through the whole thing and Dean collapsed in the chair, held his head in his hands and tried to fight back the tears. 

By the end of the week Cas had been visited by three different specialists and multiple tests were run. Cas’ temperature abated by his tenth hospital day and had been able to eat and drink. His oxygen levels were still not much better in spite of everything being done. By the end of the second week they finally got a diagnosis. Cas was sitting up after breakfast, showing more color in his cheeks and had been getting up with assistance. Dean hovered over him as no one else was quick enough to suit him or did not know just how Cas liked things. Dr Anderson, the oncologist, entered with a nurse at his side to explain the results of all of the testing. It seemed that initially they thought it was some sort of bad infection and Cas actually had a virus as best they could ascertain, but the reason he responded so poorly to treatment was that he had a type of leukemia disabling his immune system. His normal ability to fight infection had been compromised. The tests had been confusing due the viral infection masking what was really going on. After the infection cleared they were finally able to piece the puzzle together.

“So what do we do, Doc? What’s next? You can fix it right? I mean there’s a cure isn’t there?” There was no way Cas was not getting better. Now that the doctors knew what the problem was, they could give him the right medicine or treatment and everything would be okay. Dean smiled at Cas and gripped his hand holding it in both of his.

“Well Mr. Winchester, Mr. Novak, there are treatment options. This is one of the more difficult blood disorders to treat. We have some promising chemotherapies, also bone marrow transplant could be a viable option. First let’s get Mr. Novak here in a little better shape. We plan to transfuse him first and then if he responds well to that we can take the next step. The nurse here is going to give you some information to go over and we can get started soon. I will be around again tomorrow with my team and we will get started.” He shook Dean’s hand and excused himself, leaving the nurse to explain what she could to the patient and his frantic boyfriend. 

The next two weeks were spent getting Cas stronger so that they could start the chemotherapy. Dean had to work part of the time, but hired a private duty nurse to sit with Cas when he couldn’t be there himself. The chemo sucked. It made Cas weak and scared Dean even more. Dean always put on a brave face for Cas, he had to believe that things would work out and wanted Cas to believe as well. Dean knew Cas was improving when he asked him to bring his work to the hospital, “Just a little something to occupy my mind Dean. This is torture having to stay here day in and day out. Please Dean? I won’t overdo it. I promise, besides it was the leukemia making me tired, not the work.”

Dean finally relented and brought a few things for Cas to read. He refused to bring the computer just yet. He knew how Cas got when he was on the trail of something big, he wouldn’t let up and would stay up all night searching for answers. He made the private duty nurse promise to make him rest intermittently and Cas promised to obey. “I have to have something to do or I’m going to go nuts!” Dean understood and was just so glad Cas was doing better he would agree to almost anything. After two months of inpatient chemo and monitoring Cas to make sure he was free from infection, he was discharged. Dean kept the private duty nurse on for about ten days before Cas ran her off. He wanted to be left alone to do his work and she was always hovering. Dean was pissed but decided as long as Cas didn’t get out he wouldn’t catch anything and decided to not argue about it.   
Dean still took his temperature twice daily, did all the cooking and went to all of Cas’ appointments with him. By three months after finishing the treatments Cas was well enough to return to work. His classes came first, so he did not have a lot of time to spend on the book, Dean was vigilant about Cas diet, vitamin and medication regimens, always looking for signs of infection. At six months out, Cas collapsed again, a student found him in his office, conscious, but weak and burning up with a fever. During this admission he did not bounce back as fast, and it took much longer to start a new chemo regimen. The oncologist recommended they do a bone marrow transplant as soon as they could find a donor that matched. Dean hounded Cas’ family to come in and get the testing done; only four out of the twelve siblings lived close. They found a match in his brother Samandriel; Castiel had not spoken to him but a few times in the last several years but he was a fairly pleasant young man, although more loyal to his parents than to Castiel.

With Dean being so preoccupied with Cas’ health, his job began to suffer and he had made some bad investments. One of their more notorious clients, Fergus Crowley, had taken a huge hit and had come the office to talk to Dean personally. He usually did the majority of his business over the phone, especially investments; his expertise was needed more at his own offices and had dealt with Dean mostly by phone. The day after the stock dropped he and his entourage invaded Dean’s personal office without warning. Dean was already sweating bullets due to the mess he was in, so the last thing he needed was that arrogant prick piling on. Dean had heard rumors about how Crowley earned his money, some of which were allegedly illegal. Dean only managed some of Crowley’s investments and knew he was hurt by this turn of events, but was still very much solvent and could ride it out. 

“Well as I live and breathe, you must be the Dean Winchester. The Dean Winchester that lost a huge, fucking amount of my money!” he snarled. Dean rose to shake his hand, ever the professional even when he knew he was being attacked.

“Mr. Crowley, we meet at last and I regret that it is under these circumstances.” He laid on the Winchester charm and a devastating smile, all white teeth and full lips. Crowley was eyeing the handsome man in front of him with pure lasciviousness. 

“Well, well, aren’t you a pretty little thing?” Dean cringed and sidestepped the remark and offered the men a seat, called to his secretary for refreshments, and offered to work on a plan to redeem himself. “So, let’s look and see what we can do for damage control.” He spent the next thirty minutes outlining a plan and Crowley seemed partially appeased. As he was readying to leave he looked Dean over again and Dean could barely resist shuddering discerning what the slimeball was thinking.

“So Dean, if you ever find yourself in a bind financially, you just ring me and I’m sure we could find a lucrative endeavor for someone with your… attributes,” as he licked his bottom lip and his eyes swept up and down Dean’s figure. Dean had been eye fucked before but this guy was so sleazy he felt eye raped. “I have your number and I will send over the paperwork as soon as I can. Expect them by the end of the work day. And again, I apologize and will do my best to sort this all out.” Dean ushered them out wasting no time getting them out of his office and he couldn’t escape the intense compulsion to shower off the odor of evil lingering in the room. He hoped he did not ever have to deal with Crowley up close and personal ever again. 

Over the next few months Dean divided his time between seeing that Cas was well taken care of and trying to reconcile his business losses. His firm had stood behind him; they had been considering making him partner before this financial fiasco. During this last hospital course Dean had dipped heavily into their savings and the income from the first two books of Cas’. Cas was no longer able to teach and basically was taking a medical leave of absence until. And there it was. Until. Until Cas got better, until Dean made money? Dean was freaking out a lot, but tried to keep Cas from knowing the extent of their money problems. He tried to help him some with his book when he was able to come home, but had spent too much time away from the office as it was, so he worked from home when Cas was asleep. Cas never got his tireless energy back, much less the stamina to spend more than an hour at a time doing research. He had an assistant that Dean was still paying a salary to help Cas out and as a pretense that things were normal. What scared Dean the most had nothing to do with the money, it was that Cas had lost his spark, his fight, the holy gleam in his eye when he was on the trail of a particularly intriguing vein of research. Cas was stable, but not getting better.

Dean had been making a lot of phone calls and online searches about Cas’ treatment options. After two grueling rounds of chemotherapy, Dean had expected and hoped for better results. The hospital and doctors they had been working with were excellent, he really couldn’t fault them, but Dean needed Cas to get better. Dean had to find out if there was another road to travel down. He made an appointment to see the head of oncology at the Cancer Treatment Center at Northwestern and brought Cas’ records with him. He wanted to spare Cas the tedium of multiple trips in and out of the hospital if he could do the footwork himself. The new oncologist was polite, professional and agreed to review Cas’ records and get back to them. One week later Dean got the call that there was a new treatment for Cas’ particular form of leukemia that was promising and would take Cas’ care over. There were financial arrangements to be made and Dean made another trip to fill out forms and take care of the business part. Before they would take Cas on they had to have an initial sum of thirty thousand dollars and that was just the beginning of the proposed cost of what looked to be a prolonged treatment regimen.

‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.’ Dean slammed the door as he got back into his car and banged his head against the steering wheel. ‘Can’t catch a fucking break,’ Dean was angry, frustrated and overwhelmed with the feeling of helplessness. He bit the bullet, headed back to his office and called Sam on the phone. Dean caught Sammy up to speed and in desperation asked, “Sammy, you know I wouldn’t ask if I..L mean it’s been so fucking hard and I’m running out of options. Cas treatments have bled us dry and..”

“Dean, how much do you need?”

“Aw, fuck Sam. I hate to ask, but Cas..”

Dean, how much?”

“Fuckin’ thirty grand. Won’t even start treatment without thirty grand up front, but the thing is they think this new treatment can help Cas, and I just don’t..”

“Dean, it’ll take me a couple of days, but I got you covered man. And Dean?”

“Yeah Sammy?”

“I’ll help any way I can. You’ve always taken care of me and..”

“But that was my job Sammy, taking care of you, and you shouldn’t havta..well I just,”

“I know Dean. I know.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel does not respond to treatment. Dean despairs.

After another long day at work, Dean got home late; Cas was asleep on the sofa with books and papers littered across the couch and coffee table. Dean went and squatted close to Cas’ head and pressed his lips on his forehead under the tousled mop of hair. He lingered partially for the contact and part to check the temperature of his pale skin. He was warm, but not overly so and started to stir at Dean’s touch.

“Hey angel, how’re you feeling?”

Cas grunted, yawned and returned, “M sleepy. Don’t know when I fell asleep. What time is it?”

“Almost ten.”

“You just getting home?”

“Yep, long day. I’m beat. C’mon, let’s go to bed. Gonna hit the shower first though.”

Dean helped Cas to bed, showered and then crawled in next to him. He curled his body around Cas with his chest to Cas’ back and breathed him in, hoping it would calm him. He didn’t fall asleep for hours, anxious over everything. Sammy was going to help them get started, but what was he going to do in the meantime?

The next morning he had his secretary find apartments to look at that were closer to the Cancer Clinic and called a realtor to list their condo. Dean hated to do it but he could see no other way. The realtor assured him that it would be easy to sell due to it’s prime location. Dean’s only concern now was how Cas would take it. It had to happen and Dean was going to spin it so that it was about being close to the clinic too expensive to keep two homes. Surprisingly Cas was agreeable and did not ask a lot of questions. It was out of character for him, but nothing was quite the way it had been for over two years, since the first time Cas had collapsed.

The realtor was right, the condo sold quickly and Dean hired movers. Jess and Sam came over to help out, especially after the move; Jess spent a lot of time helping Cas settle in to the new apartment, getting him to show her how he wanted things arranged. Dean paid three months rent from the condo’s proceeds and caught up the bills that had been piling up over the last several months. Cas had several appointments and undergo a lot of testing before treatment was even started. Cas made attempts to work on his book but was not making any headway; his publishers kept calling to find out if there was any progress. Dean made sure they did not talk directly to Cas and had Cas’ assistant , Lindsay handle as much as she could and had her report to him. Cas was not capable of doing much, Dean had been helping him to bathe and dress; was cooking most of what was prepared. They had not had sex in forever. Cas was just not up to it and Dean was happy with cuddling and taking care of himself in the shower. Hell Cas didn’t have enough breath for a good make out session much less sex.

Finally the treatments were started and Dean tried to redeem himself at work. He was so far behind, he could not get dig his way out of the hole. They were in to the fourth month since he had sold the condo and money was already gone, the rent was past due. Dean was reviewing stocks when he got the call from Crowley.

“So Dean, how’s tricks?”

“Is there something I can help you with?”

“Well, Dean m’boy. Heard you’re not doing too well, so I’ve got a little proposition for you.”

“Hey, I made your money back for you didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did. Hear your own personal funds have been depleted.”

“I don’t know where you’re getting your information, but my personal finances are none of your business.” Dean hated the oily bastard and wanted nothing to do with him.

“Dean, Dean, I just want to help you out. You helped me and now I’m in a position to help you. I could use someone with your, shall we say, unique qualities. You’re a very pretty man and I know people who…”

“Just stop right there Crowley. I’m not interested in anything you have to offer. So if I can’t help you with your investment accounts today then we have nothing to talk about.”

“Well Dean, you know how to reach me, so after you think it over I expect to be hearing from you.”

“Not interested. I won’t be calling. Good bye Crowley.”

“Until then Dean.”

‘Slimy motherfucker. Feel like I need a shower just talking to the bastard on the phone. When hell freezes will I ever..God damn it all to motherfucking hell.’ His life was shit enough without some dirt bag propositioning him. Dean was done. Work was shit today. He was going to the hospital to see Cas. Fuck it all.

When Dean got to the hospital Cas was sleeping quietly, his breathing nice and even. The nurses said that this last round of chemo was causing severe nausea and Cas was not handling it well, having vomited through most of his waking hours. Dean was only in the room a few minutes when someone from the business office came around to talk about the bill. He was already behind on rent, their combined incomes presently did not cover but about half of their living expenses, much less the cost of Cas’ therapy. He assured them he wanted to continue the treatments and would have a payment very soon. Cas had not responded well yet, but was stable and they had more sessions to go before they would know whether it worked. As soon as the billing representative left he got a phone call from the rental office that he did not answer. He sat at Cas’ bedside, held his head in his hands and realized he was royally fucked.

The next day, Dean called Crowley.


End file.
